or, The King of Barataria
Libretto by William S. Gilbert
Music by Arthur S. Sullivan
THE DUKE OF PLAZA-TORO (a Grandee of Spain)
LUIZ (his attendant)
DON ALHAMBRA DEL BOLERO (the Grand Inquisitor)
Venetian Gondoliers:
MARCO PALMIERI
GIUSEPPE PALMIERI
ANTONIO
FRANCESCO
GIORGIO
ANNIBALE
THE DUCHESS OF PLAZA-TORO
CASILDA (her Daughter)
Contadine:
GIANETTA
TESSA
FIAMETTA
VITTORIA
GIULIA
INEZ (the King's Foster-mother)
Chorus of Gondoliers and Contadine, Men-at-Arms, Heralds and Pages
ACT II - Pavilion in the Palace of Barataria
(An interval of three months is supposed to elapse between Acts I and II)
Time: 1750
Chorus of Contadine with Solos (Gondoliers, Antonio, Marco and Giuseppe)
Entrance of Duke, Duchess, Casilda and Luiz
Song (Duke of Plaza-Toro)
Recitiative and Duet (Casilda and Luiz)
Duet (Casilda and Luiz)
Song (Don Alhambra, with Duke, Duchess, Casilda and Luiz)
Recitative (Casilda and Don Alhambra)
Quintet (Duke, Duchess, Casilda, Luiz and Grand Inquisitor)
Chorus with Solo (Tessa) "When A Merry Maiden Marries"
Finale with Song (Gianetta)
Quartet (Marco, Giuseppe, Gianetta and Tessa) "Then One Of Us"
Chorus of Men (with Marco and Giuseppe)
Song (Giuseppe with Chorus)
Song (Marco)
Scena (Chorus of Girls, Quartet, Duet and Chorus)
Chorus and Dance
Song (Don Alhambra, with Marco and Giuseppe)
Quartet (Marco, Giuseppe, Gianetta and Tessa)
Chorus of Men (with Duke and Duchess).
Song (Duchess)
Recitative and Duet (Duke and Duchess)
Gavotte (Duke Duchess, Casilda, Marco and Giuseppe)
Quintet and Finale (Marco, Giuseppe, Casilda, Gianetta, Tessa and Chorus)
Fiametta, Giulia, Vittoria, and other Contadine discovered, each
tying a bouquet of roses.
Chorus of Contadine with Solos (Gondoliers, Antonio, Marco and Giuseppe)
List and learn, list and learn,
List and learn, ye dainty roses,
Roses white and roses red,
Why we bind you into posies
Ere your morning bloom has fled.
By a law of maiden's making,
Accents of a heart that's aching,
Even though that heart be breaking,
Should by maiden be unsaid:
Though they love with love exceeding,
They must seem to be unheeding--
Go ye then and do their pleading,
Roses white and roses red!
List and learn,
List and learn, ye dainty roses,
Roses white and roses red,
Why we bind you into posies
Ere your morning bloom has fled.
List and learn, list and learn,
Roses white and roses red,
List and learn, list and learn,
Roses, Oh list, list and learn,
List and learn,
Oh, roses white and red!
Two there are for whom, in duty,
Ev'ry maid in Venice sighs--
Two so peerless in their beauty
That they shame the summer skies.
We have hearts for them, in plenty,
They have hearts, but all too few,
We, alas, are four-and-twenty!
They, alas, are only two!
We, alas!
Alas!
Are four-and-twenty,
They, alas!
Alas!
Are only two.
They, alas, are only two! Alas!
Now ye know, ye dainty roses,
Roses white and roses red,
Why we bind you into posies,
Ere your morning bloom has fled,
Now ye know, now ye know,
Roses white and roses red,
Roses, Oh now, now ye know,
Now ye know,
Oh roses white and red!
(During this chorus Antonio, Francesco, Giorgio, and other
Gondoliers have entered unobserved by the Girls--at first two,
then two more, then four, then half a dozen, then the remainder
of the Chorus)
Good morrow, pretty maids; for whom prepare ye
These floral tributes extraordinary?
For Marco and Giuseppe Palmieri,
The pink and flower of all the Gondolieri.
They're coming here, as we have heard but lately,
To choose two brides from us who sit sedately.
Do all you maidens love them?
Passionately!
These gondoliers are to be envied greatly!
But what of us, who one and all adore you?
Have pity on our passion, we implore you!
These gentlemen must make their choice before you;
In the meantime we tacitly ignore you.
When they have chosen two that leaves you plenty--
Two dozen we, and ye are four-and-twenty.
Till then, enjoy your dolce far niente.
With pleasure, nobody contradicente!
For the merriest fellows are we, tra la,
That ply on the emerald sea, tra la;
With loving and laughing,
And quipping and quaffing,
We're happy as happy can be, tra la--
With loving and laughing, etc.
With sorrow we've nothing to do, tra la,
And care is a thing to pooh-pooh, tra la;
And Jealousy yellow,
Unfortunate fellow,
We drown in the shimmering blue, tra la--
And Jealousy yellow, etc.
(looking off). See, see, at last they come to make their choice--
Let us acclaim them with united voice.
(Marco and Giuseppe appear in gondola at back.)
Hail, hail! gallant gondolieri, ben' venuti! Ben' venuti!
Accept our love, our homage, and our duty.
Ben' venuti! ben' venuti!
(Marco and Giuseppe jump ashore--the Girls salute them.)
Buon' giorno, signorine!
Gondolieri carissimi!
Siamo contadine!
(bowing). Servitori umilissimi!
Per chi questi fiori--
Questi fiori bellissimi?
Per voi, bei signori
O eccellentissimi!
(The Girls present their bouquets to Marco and Giuseppe, who are
overwhelmed with them, and carry them with difficulty.)
(their arms full of flowers). O ciel! O ciel!
Buon' giorno, cavalieri!
(deprecatingly). Siamo gondolieri.
(To Fiametta and Vittoria) Signorina, io t'amo!
(deprecatingly) Contadine siamo.
Signorine!
(deprecatingly). Contadine!
(Curtseying to Marco and Giuseppe) Cavalieri.
Gondolieri!
(deprecatingly) Poveri gondolieri!
Poveri gondolieri!
Buon' giorno, signorine!
Gondolieri carissimi!
Siamo contadine!
Servitori umilissimi!
| MARCO Per noi questi fiori Questi fiori bellissimi! |
MEN Servitori umilissimi! Servitori umilissimi! |
| 1ST SOPRANOS Per voi Bei signori, O eccellentissimi! |
MEN Servitori umilissimi, umilissimi, |
Signorine!
Contadine! Cavalieri!
Gondolieri!
Buon' giorno, Signorine!/Cavalieri!
We're called gondolieri,
But that's a vagary,
It's quite honorary
The trade that we ply.
For gallantry noted
Since we were short-coated,
To beauty devoted,
Giuseppe/Are Marco and I;
When morning is breaking,
Our couches forsaking,
To greet their awaking
With carols we come.
At summer day's nooning,
When weary lagooning,
Our mandolins tuning,
We lazily thrum.
When vespers are ringing,
To hope ever clinging,
With songs of our singing
A vigil we keep,
When daylight is fading,
Enwrapt in night's shading,
With soft serenading
We sing them to sleep.
We're called gondolieri, etc.
And now to choose our brides!
As all are young and fair,
And amiable besides,
We really do not care
A preference to declare.
A bias to disclose
Would be indelicate--
And therefore we propose
To let impartial Fate
Select for us a mate!
Viva!
A bias to disclose
Would be indelicate--
But how do they propose
To let impartial Fate
Select for them a mate?
These handkerchiefs upon our eyes be good enough to bind,
And take good care that both of us are absolutely blind;
Then turn us round--and we, with all convenient despatch,
Will undertake to marry any two of you we catch!
Viva!
They undertake to marry any two of us/them they catch!
(The Girls prepare to bind their eyes as directed.)
(to Marco). Are you peeping?
Can you see me?
Dark I'm keeping,
Dark and dreamy!
(Marco slyly lifts bandage.)
(to Giuseppe). If you're blinded,
Truly, say so
All right-minded
Players play so!
(slyly lifts bandage).
(detecting Marco). Conduct shady!
They are cheating!
Surely they deserve a beating!
(replaces bandage).
(detecting Giuseppe). This too much is;
Maidens mocking;
Conduct such is
Truly shocking!
(replaces bandage).
| CHORUS (Girls) You can spy, sir! Shut your eye, sir! You may use it by and by, sir! |
CHORUS (Men) Fie for shame Fie for shame Fie for shame |
You can see, sir!
Don't tell me, sir!
That will do--now let it be, sir!
My papa he keeps three horses,
Black, and white, and dapple grey, sir;
Turn three times, then take your courses,
Catch whichever girl you may, sir!
My papa, etc.
My papa, etc.
(Marco and Giuseppe turn round, as directed, and try to catch the
girls. Business of blind-man's buff. Eventually Marco catches
Gianetta, and Giuseppe catches Tessa. The two girls try to
escape, but in vain. The two men pass their hands over the
girls' faces to discover their identity.)
(guessing) I've at length achieved a capture!
This is Tessa! (removes bandage). Rapture, rapture!
Rapture, rapture!
(guessing). To me Gianetta fate has granted!
(removes bandage) Just the very girl I wanted!
Just the very girl he wanted!
(politely to Marco) If you'd rather change--
My goodness!
This indeed is simple rudeness.
(politely to Giuseppe) I've no preference whatever--
Listen to him! Well, I never!
(Each man kisses each girl.)
Thank you, gallant gondolieri!
In a set and formal measure
It is scarcely necessary
To express our pleasure.
Each of us to prove a treasure,
Conjugal and monetary,
Gladly will devote our leisure,
Gallant gondolieri.
Tra, la, la, la, la, la, etc.
Gay and gallant gondolieri,
Take us both and hold us tightly,
You have luck extraordinary;
We might both have been unsightly!
If we judge your conduct rightly,
'Twas a choice involuntary;
Still we thank you most politely,
Gay and gallant gondolieri!
Tra, la, la, la, la, la, etc.
Thank you, gallant gondolieri;
In a set and formal measure,
It is scarcely necessary
To express our pleasure.
Each of us to prove a treasure
Gladly will devote our leisure,
Gay and gallant gondolieri!
Tra, la, la, la, etc.
Fate in this has put his finger--
Let us bow to Fate's decree,
Then no longer let us linger,
To the altar hurry we!
(They all dance off two and two--Gianetta with Marco, Tessa with
Giuseppe.)
(Flourish. A gondola arrives at the Piazzetta steps, from which
enter the Duke of Plaza-toro, the Duchess, their daughter
Casilda, and their attendant Luiz, who carries a drum. All are
dressed in pompous but old and faded clothes.)
Entrance of Duke, Duchess, Casilda and Luiz
From the sunny Spanish shore,
The Duke of Plaza-Tor'--
And His Grace's Duchess true--
And His Grace's daughter, too--
And His Grace's private drum
To Venetia's shores have come,
To Venetia's shores have come.
If ever, ever, ever
They get back to Spain,
They will never, never, never
Cross the sea again--
Neither that Grandee from the Spanish shore,
The noble Duke of Plaza-Tor'--
Nor His Grace's Duchess, staunch and true--
You may add, His Grace's daughter, too--
Nor His Grace's own particular drum
To Venetia's shores have come,
To Venetia's shores have come!
If ever, ever, ever
They get back to Spain,
They will never, never, never
Cross the sea again!
At last we have arrived at our destination. This is
the Ducal Palace, and it is here that the Grand Inquisitor
resides. As a Castilian hidalgo of ninety-five quarterings, I
regret that I am unable to pay my state visit on a horse. As a
Castilian hidalgo of that description, I should have preferred to
ride through the streets of Venice; but owing, I presume, to an
unusually wet season, the streets are in such a condition that
equestrian exercise is impracticable. No matter. Where is our
suite?
(coming forward) Your Grace, I am here.
Why do you not do yourself the honour to kneel when
you address His Grace?
My love, it is so small a matter! (To Luiz.) Still,
you may as well do it. (Luiz kneels.)
The young man seems to entertain but an imperfect
appreciation of the respect due from a menial to a Castilian
hidalgo.
My child, you are hard upon our suite.
Papa, I've no patience with the presumption of persons
in his plebeian position. If he does not appreciate that
position, let him be whipped until he does.
Let us hope the omission was not intended as a
slight. I should be much hurt if I thought it was. So would he.
(To Luiz.) Where are the halberdiers who were to have had the
honour of meeting us here, that our visit to the Grand Inquisitor
might be made in becoming state?
Your Grace, the halberdiers are mercenary people who
stipulated for a trifle on account.
How tiresome! Well, let us hope the Grand Inquisitor
is a blind gentleman. And the band who were to have had the
honour of escorting us? I see no band!
Your Grace, the band are sordid persons who required
to be paid in advance.
That's so like a band!
(annoyed) Insuperable difficulties meet me at every
turn!
But surely they know His Grace?
Exactly--they know His Grace.
Well, let us hope that the Grand Inquisitor is a deaf
gentleman. A cornet-a-piston would be something. You do not
happen to possess the accomplishment of tootling like a
cornet-a-piston?
Alas, no, Your Grace! But I can imitate a farmyard.
(doubtfully) I don't see how that would help us. I
don't see how we could bring it in.
It would not help us in the least. We are not a
parcel of graziers come to market, dolt!
(Luiz rises.)
My love, our suite's feelings! (To Luiz.) Be so
good as to ring the bell and inform the Grand Inquisitor that his
Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro, Count Matadoro, Baron Picadoro--
And suite--
And suite--have arrived at Venice, and seek--
Desire--
Demand!
And demand an audience.
Your Grace has but to command.
(much moved) I felt sure of it--I felt sure of it!
(Exit Luiz into Ducal Palace.) And now, my love--(aside to
Duchess) Shall we tell her? I think so--(aloud to Casilda) And
now, my love, prepare for a magnificent surprise. It is my
agreeable duty to reveal to you a secret which should make you
the happiest young lady in Venice!
A secret?
A secret which, for State reasons, it has been
necessary to preserve for twenty years.
When you were a prattling babe of six months old you
were married by proxy to no less a personage than the infant son
and heir of His Majesty the immeasurably wealthy King of
Barataria!
Married to the infant son of the King of Barataria?
Was I consulted? (Duke shakes his head.) Then it was a most
unpardonable liberty!
Consider his extreme youth and forgive him. Shortly
after the ceremony that misguided monarch abandoned the creed of
his forefathers, and became a Wesleyan Methodist of the most
bigoted and persecuting type. The Grand Inquisitor, determined
that the innovation should not be perpetuated in Barataria,
caused your smiling and unconscious husband to be stolen and
conveyed to Venice. A fortnight since the Methodist Monarch and
all his Wesleyan Court were killed in an insurrection, and we are
here to ascertain the whereabouts of your husband, and to hail
you, our daughter, as Her Majesty, the reigning Queen of
Barataria! (Kneels.)
(During this speech Luiz re-enters.)
Your Majesty! (Kneels.) (Drum roll.)
It is at such moments as these that one feels how
necessary it is to travel with a full band.
I, the Queen of Barataria! But I've nothing to wear!
We are practically penniless!
That point has not escaped me. Although I am
unhappily in straitened circumstances at present, my social
influence is something enormous; and a Company, to be called the
Duke of Plaza-Toro, Limited, is in course of formation to work
me. An influential directorate has been secured, and I shall
myself join the Board after allotment.
Am I to understand that the Queen of Barataria may be
called upon at any time to witness her honoured sire in process
of liquidation?
The speculation is not exempt from that drawback. If
your father should stop, it will, of course, be necessary to wind
him up.
But it's so undignified--it's so degrading! A Grandee
of Spain turned into a public company! Such a thing was never
heard of!
My child, the Duke of Plaza-Toro does not follow
fashions--he leads them. He always leads everybody. When he was
in the army he led his regiment. He occasionally led them into
action. He invariably led them out of it.
Song-Duke of Plaza-Toro with Duchess, Casilda and Luiz
In enterprise of martial kind,
When there was any fighting,
He led his regiment from behind--
He found it less exciting.
But when away his regiment ran,
His place was at the fore, O--
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
In the first and foremost flight, ha, ha!
You always found that knight, ha, ha!
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
When, to evade Destruction's hand,
To hide they all proceeded,
No soldier in that gallant band
Hid half as well as he did.
He lay concealed throughout the war,
And so preserved his gore, O!
That unaffected,
Undetected,
Well-connected
Warrior,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
In every doughty deed, ha, ha!
He always took the lead, ha, ha!
That unaffected,
Undetected,
Well-connected
Warrior,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
When told that they would all be shot
Unless they left the service,
That hero hesitated not,
So marvellous his nerve is.
He sent his resignation in,
The first of all his corps, O!
That very knowing,
Overflowing,
Easy-going
Paladin,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
To men of grosser clay, ha, ha!
He always showed the way, ha, ha!
That very knowing,
Overflowing,
Easy-going
Paladin,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!
(Exeunt Duke and Duchess into Grand Ducal Palace. As soon as
they have disappeared, Luiz and Casilda rush to each other's
arms.)
Recitative and Duet--Casilda and Luiz
O rapture, when alone together
Two loving hearts and those that bear them
May join in temporary tether,
Though Fate apart should rudely tear them.
Necessity, Invention's mother,
Compelled me to a course of feigning--
But, left alone with one another,
I will atone for my disdaining!
Ah, well-beloved,
Mine angry frown
Is but a gown
That serves to dress
My gentleness!
Ah, well-beloved,
Thy cold disdain,
It gives no pain--
'Tis mercy, played
In masquerade!
Ah, well beloved!
Ah, well-beloved, etc.
O Luiz, Luiz--what have you said? What have I done?
What have I allowed you to do?
Nothing, I trust, that you will ever have reason to
repent. (Offering to embrace her.)
(withdrawing from him). Nay, Luiz, it may not be. I
have embraced you for the last time.
(amazed) Casilda!
I have just learnt, to my surprise and indignation,
that I was wed in babyhood to the infant son of the King of
Barataria!
The son of the King of Barataria? The child who was
stolen in infancy by the Inquisition?
The same. But, of course, you know his story.
Know his story? Why, I have often told you that my
mother was the nurse to whose charge he was entrusted!
True. I had forgotten. Well, he has been discovered,
and my father has brought me here to claim his hand.
But you will not recognize this marriage? It took
place when you were too young to understand its import.
Nay, Luiz, respect my principles and cease to torture
me with vain entreaties. Henceforth my life is another's.
But stay--the present and the future--they are
another's; but the past--that at least is ours, and none can take
it from us. As we may revel in naught else, let us revel in
that!
I don't think I grasp your meaning.
Yet it is logical enough. You say you cease to love
me?
(demurely). I say I may not love you.
Ah, but you do not say you did not love me?
I loved you with a frenzy that words are powerless to
express--and that but ten brief minutes since!
Exactly. My own--that is, until ten minutes since,
my own--my lately loved, my recently adored--tell me that until,
say a quarter of an hour ago, I was all in all to thee!
(Embracing her.)
I see your idea. It's ingenious, but don't do that.
(Releasing herself.)
There can be no harm in revelling in the past.
None whatever, but an embrace cannot be taken to act
retrospectively.
Perhaps not!
[Cut from Chappell version:]
We may recollect an embrace--I recollect many--but we
must not repeat them.
Then let us recollect a few! (A moment's pause, as
they recollect, then both heave a deep sigh.)
[End of cut]
Ah, Casilda, you were to me as the sun is to the
earth!
[Cut from Chappell version:]
A quarter of an hour ago?
About that.
And to think that, but for this miserable discovery,
you would have been my own for life!
Through life to death--a quarter of an hour ago!
How greedily my thirsty ears would have drunk the
golden melody of those sweet words a quarter--well, it's now
about twenty minutes since. (Looking at her watch.)
About that. In such a matter one cannot be too
precise.
[End of cut]
And now our love, so full of life, is but a silent,
solemn memory!
Must it be so, Casilda?
Luiz, it must be so!
Duet (Casilda and Luiz)
There was a time--
A time for ever gone--ah, woe is me!
It was no crime
To love but thee alone--ah, woe is me!
One heart, one life, one soul,
One aim, one goal--
Each in the other's thrall,
Each all in all, ah, woe is me!
Ah, woe is me!
Oh, bury, bury--let the grave close o'er
The days that were--that never will be more!
Oh, bury, bury love that all condemn,
And let the whirlwind mourn its requiem!
Dead as the last year's leaves--
As gathered flowers--ah, woe is me!
Dead as the garnered sheaves,
That love of ours--ah, woe is me!
Born but to fade and die
When hope was high,
Dead and as far away
As yesterday!--ah, woe is me!
Oh, bury, bury--let the grave close o'er, etc.
(Re-enter from the Ducal Palace the Duke and Duchess, followed by
Don Alhambra del Bolero, the Grand Inquisitor.)
My child, allow me to present to you His Distinction
Don Alhambra del Bolero, the Grand Inquisitor of Spain. It was
His Distinction who so thoughtfully abstracted your infant
husband and brought him to Venice.
So this is the little lady who is so unexpectedly
called upon to assume the functions of Royalty! And a very nice
little lady, too!
Jimp, isn't she?
Distinctly jimp. Allow me! (Offers his hand. She
turns away scornfully.) Naughty temper!
You must make some allowance. Her Majesty's head is
a little turned by her access of dignity.
I could have wished that Her Majesty's access of
dignity had turned it in this direction.
Unfortunately, if I am not mistaken, there appears to
be some little doubt as to His Majesty's whereabouts.
(aside). A doubt as to his whereabouts? Then we may
yet be saved!
A doubt? Oh dear, no--no doubt at all! He is
here, in Venice, plying the modest but picturesque calling of a
gondolier. I can give you his address--I see him every day! In
the entire annals of our history there is absolutely no
circumstance so entirely free from all manner of doubt of any
kind whatever! Listen, and I'll tell you all about it.
Song (Don Alhambra, with Duke, Duchess, Casilda, and Luiz)
I stole the Prince, and I brought him here,
And left him gaily prattling
With a highly respectable gondolier,
Who promised the Royal babe to rear,
And teach him the trade of a timoneer
With his own beloved bratling.
Both of the babes were strong and stout,
And, considering all things, clever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt--
No probable, possible shadow of doubt--
No possible doubt whatever.
No possible doubt whatever.
But owing, I'm much disposed to fear,
To his terrible taste for tippling,
That highly respectable gondolier
Could never declare with a mind sincere
Which of the two was his offspring dear,
And which the Royal stripling!
Which was which he could never make out
Despite his best endeavour.
Of that there is no manner of doubt--
No probable, possible shadow of doubt--
No possible doubt whatever.
No possible doubt whatever.
Time sped, and when at the end of a year
I sought that infant cherished,
That highly respectable gondolier
Was lying a corpse on his humble bier--
I dropped a Grand Inquisitor's tear--
That gondolier had perished.
A taste for drink, combined with gout,
Had doubled him up for ever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt--
No probable, possible shadow of doubt--
No possible doubt whatever.
No possible doubt whatever.
The children followed his old career--
(This statement can't be parried)
Of a highly respectable gondolier:
Well, one of the two (who will soon be here)--
But which of the two is not quite clear--
Is the Royal Prince you married!
Search in and out and round about,
And you'll discover never
A tale so free from every doubt--
All probable, possible shadow of doubt--
All possible doubt whatever!
A tale free from every doubt, etc.
Then do you mean to say that I am married to one of
two gondoliers, but it is impossible to say which?
Without any doubt of any kind whatever. But be
reassured: the nurse to whom your husband was entrusted is the
mother of the musical young man who is such a past-master of that
delicately modulated instrument (indicating the drum). She can,
no doubt, establish the King's identity beyond all question.
Heavens, how did he know that?
My young friend, a Grand Inquisitor is always up to
date. (To Casilda) His mother is at present the wife of a highly
respectable and old-established brigand, who carries on an
extensive practice in the mountains around Cordova. Accompanied
by two of my emissaries, he will set off at once for his mother's
address. She will return with them, and if she finds any
difficulty in making up her mind, the persuasive influence of the
torture chamber will jog her memory.
Recitative (Casilda and Don Alhambra)
But, bless my heart, consider my position!
I am the wife of one, that's very clear;
But who can tell, except by intuition,
Which is the Prince, and which the Gondolier?
Submit to Fate without unseemly wrangle:
Such complications frequently occur--
Life is one closely complicated tangle:
Death is the only true unraveller!
Quintet (Duke, Duchess, Casilda, Luiz, and Grand Inquisitor)
Try we life-long, we can never
Straighten out life's tangled skein,
Why should we, in vain endeavour,
Guess and guess and guess again?
Life's a pudding full of plums,
Care's a canker that benumbs.
Life's a pudding full of plums,
Care's a canker that benumbs.
Wherefore waste our elocution
On impossible solution?
Life's a pleasant institution,
Let us take it as it comes,
Let us take it as it comes!
Set aside the dull enigma,
We shall guess it all too soon;
Failure brings no kind of stigma--
Dance we to another tune!
String the lyre and fill the cup,
Lest on sorrow we should sup.
String the lyre, fill the cup,
Lest on sorrow we should sup.
Hop and skip to Fancy's fiddle,
Hands across and down the middle--
Life's perhaps the only riddle
That we shrink from giving up! etc.
(Exeunt all into Ducal Palace except Luiz, who goes off in
gondola.)
(Enter Gondoliers and Contadine, followed by Marco, Gianetta,
Giuseppe, and Tessa.)
Chorus with Solo (Tessa) "When A Merry Maiden Marries"
Bridegroom and bride!
Knot that's insoluble,
Voices all voluble
Hail it with pride.
Bridegroom and bride!
We in sincerity,
Wish you prosperity,
Bridegroom and bride!
We in sincerity,
Wish you prosperity,
Bridegroom and bride!
Bridegroom and bride!
When a merry maiden marries,
Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;
Every sound becomes a song--
All is right, and nothing's wrong!
From to-day and ever after
Let our tears be tears of laughter.
Every sigh that finds a vent
Be a sigh of sweet content!
When you marry, merry maiden,
Then the air with love is laden;
Every flower is a rose,
Every goose becomes a swan,
Every kind of trouble goes
Where the last year's snows have gone!
Sunlight takes the place of shade
When you marry merry maid!
(When a merry maiden marries,)
(Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;)
Every sound becomes a song,
All is right and nothing's wrong!
When a merry maiden marries,
Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;
Every sound becomes a song--
All is right, and nothing's wrong!
Gnawing Care and aching Sorrow
Get ye gone until to-morrow;
Jealousies in grim array,
Ye are things of yesterday!
When you marry, merry maiden,
Then the air with joy is laden;
All the corners of the earth
Ring with music sweetly played,
Worry is melodious mirth,
Grief is joy in masquerade;
Sullen night is laughing day
All the year is merry May!
(At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The
Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off,
much alarmed.)
And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest!
What's a bachelor? A mere nothing--he's a chrysalis. He can't
be said to live--he exists.
What a delightful institution marriage is! Why have
we wasted all this time? Why didn't we marry ten years ago?
Because you couldn't find anybody nice enough.
Because you were waiting for us.
I suppose that was the reason. We were waiting for
you without knowing it. (Don Alhambra comes forward.) Hallo!
Good morning.
If this gentleman is an undertaker, it's a bad omen.
Ceremony of some sort going on?
(aside). He is an undertaker! (Aloud.) No--a little
unimportant family gathering. Nothing in your line.
Somebody's birthday, I suppose?
Yes, mine!
And mine!
And mine!
And mine!
Curious coincidence! And how old may you all be?
It's a rude question--but about ten minutes.
Remarkably fine children! But surely you are
jesting?
In other words, we were married about ten minutes
since.
Married! You don't mean to say you are married?
Oh yes, we are married.
What, both of you?
All four of us.
(aside). Bless my heart, how extremely awkward!
You don't mind, I suppose?
You were not thinking of either of us for yourself, I
presume? Oh, Giuseppe, look at him--he was. He's heart-broken!
No, no, I wasn't! I wasn't!
Now, my man (slapping him on the back), we don't want
anything in your line to-day, and if your curiosity's
satisfied--you can go!
You mustn't call me your man. It's a liberty. I
don't think you know who I am.
Not we, indeed! We are jolly gondoliers, the sons of
Baptisto Palmieri, who led the last revolution. Republicans,
heart and soul, we hold all men to be equal. As we abhor
oppression, we abhor kings: as we detest vain-glory, we detest
rank: as we despise effeminacy, we despise wealth. We are
Venetian gondoliers--your equals in everything except our
calling, and in that at once your masters and your servants.
Bless my heart, how unfortunate! One of you may be
Baptisto's son, for anything I know to the contrary; but the
other is no less a personage than the only son of the late King
of Barataria.
What!
And I trust--I trust it was that one who slapped me
on the shoulder and called me his man!
One of us a king! [Together]
Not brothers! [Together]
The King of Barataria! [Together]
Well, who'd have thought it! [Together]
But which is it?
What does it matter? As you are both Republicans,
and hold kings in detestation, of course you'll abdicate at once.
Good morning! (Going.)
Oh, don't do that! (Marco and Giuseppe stop him.)
Well, as to that, of course there are kings and kings.
When I say that I detest kings, I mean I detest bad kings.
I see. It's a delicate distinction.
Quite so. Now I can conceive a kind of king--an ideal
king--the creature of my fancy, you know--who would be absolutely
unobjectionable. A king, for instance, who would abolish taxes
and make everything cheap, except gondolas--
And give a great many free entertainments to the
gondoliers--
And let off fireworks on the Grand Canal, and engage
all the gondolas for the occasion--
And scramble money on the Rialto among the gondoliers.
Such a king would be a blessing to his people, and if
I were a king, that is the sort of king I would be.
And so would I!
Come, I'm glad to find your objections are not
insuperable.
Oh, they're not insuperable.
No, they're not insuperable.
Besides, we are open to conviction.
Yes; they are open to conviction.
Oh! they've often been convicted.
Our views may have been hastily formed on insufficient
grounds. They may be crude, ill-digested, erroneous. I've a
very poor opinion of the politician who is not open to
conviction.
(to Gianetta). Oh, he's a fine fellow!
Yes, that's the sort of politician for my money!
Then we'll consider it settled. Now, as the
country is in a state of insurrection, it is absolutely necessary
that you should assume the reins of Government at once; and,
until it is ascertained which of you is to be king, I have
arranged that you will reign jointly, so that no question can
arise hereafter as to the validity of any of your acts.
As one individual?
As one individual.
(linking himself with Marco). Like this?
Something like that.
And we may take our friends with us, and give them
places about the Court?
Undoubtedly. That's always done!
I'm convinced!
So am I!
Then the sooner we're off the better.
We'll just run home and pack up a few things (going)--
Stop, stop--that won't do at all--ladies are not
admitted.
What!
Not admitted. Not at present. Afterwards,
perhaps. We'll see.
Why, you don't mean to say you are going to separate
us from our wives?
(aside). This is very awkward! (Aloud.) Only for
a time--a few months. Alter all, what is a few months?
But we've only been married half an hour! (Weeps.)
Kind sir, you cannot have the heart
Our lives to part
From those to whom an hour ago
We were united!
Before our flowing hopes you stem,
Ah, look at them,
And pause before you deal this blow,
All uninvited!
You men can never understand
That heart and hand
Cannot be separated when
We go a-yearning;
You see, you've only women's eyes
To idolize
And only women's hearts, poor men,
To set you burning!
Ah me, you men will never understand
That woman's heart is one with woman's hand!
Some kind of charm you seem to find
In womankind--
Some source of unexplained delight
(Unless you're jesting),
But what attracts you, I confess,
I cannot guess,
To me a woman's face is quite
Uninteresting!
If from my sister I were torn,
It could be borne--
I should, no doubt, be horrified,
But I could bear it;-- (weeps)
But Marco's quite another thing--
He is my King,
He has my heart and none beside
Shall ever share it!
Ah me, you men will never understand
That woman's heart is one with woman's hand!
Do not give way to this uncalled-for grief,
Your separation will be very brief.
To ascertain which is the King
And which the other,
To Barataria's Court I'll bring
His foster-mother;
Her former nurseling to declare
She'll be delighted.
That settled, let each happy pair
Be reunited.
Viva! His argument is strong!
Viva! We'll not be parted long!
Viva! It will be settled soon!
Viva! Then comes our honeymoon!
Viva! Viva! Viva!
(Exit Don Alhambra.)
Then one of us will be a Queen,
And sit on a golden throne,
With a crown instead
Of a hat on her head,
And diamonds all her own!
With a beautiful robe of gold and green,
I've always understood;
I wonder whether
She'd wear a feather?
I rather think she should!
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween,
To be a regular Royal Queen!
No half-and-half affair, I mean,
No half-and-half affair,
But a right-down regular, regular, regular, regular Royal Queen!
She'll drive about in a carriage and pair,
With the King on her left-hand side,
And a milk-white horse,
As a matter of course!
Whenever she wants to ride!
With beautiful silver shoes to wear
Upon her dainty feet;
With endless stocks
Of beautiful frocks
And as much as she wants to eat!
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween, etc.
Whenever she condescends to walk,
Be sure she'll shine at that,
With her haughty stare
And her nose in the air,
Like a well-born aristocrat!
At elegant high society talk
She'll bear away the bell,
With her "How de do?"
And her "How are you?"
And "I trust I see you well!"
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween, etc.
And noble lords will scrape and bow,
And double themselves in two,
And open their eyes
In blank surprise
At whatever she likes to do.
And everybody will roundly vow
She's fair as flowers in May,
And say, "How clever!"
At whatsoever
She condescends to say!
Oh, 'tis a glorious thing, I ween,
To be a regular Royal Queen!
No half-and-half affair, I mean,
But a right-down regular Royal Queen!
(Dance)
(Enter Chorus of Gondoliers and Contadine)
Now, pray, what is the cause of this remarkable hilarity?
This sudden ebullition of unmitigated jollity?
Has anybody blessed you with a sample of his charity?
Or have you been adopted by a gentleman of quality?
Replying, we / sing
As / one indi- / -vidual,
As I / find I'm a / King,
To my / kingdom I / bid you all.
I'm a- / -ware you ob- / -ject
To pa- / -vilions and / palaces,
But you'll / find I re- / -spect
Your Re- / -publican / fallacies.
You'll / find I re- / -spect
Your Re- / -publican / fallacies.
As they know we object
To pavilions and palaces,
How can they respect
Our Republican fallacies?
For every one who feels inclined,
Some post we undertake to find
Congenial with his frame of mind--
And all shall equal be.
The Chancellor in his peruke--
The Earl, the Marquis, and the Dook,
The Groom, the Butler, and the Cook--
They all shall equal be.
The Aristocrat who banks with Coutts--
The Aristocrat who hunts and shoots--
The Aristocrat who cleans our boots--
They all shall equal be!
The Noble Lord who rules the State--
The Noble Lord who cleans the plate--
The Noble Lord who scrubs the grate--
They all shall equal be!
The Lord High Bishop orthodox--
The Lord High Coachman on the box--
The Lord High Vagabond in the stocks--
They all shall equal be!
For every one who feels inclined,
Some post we undertake to find
Congenial with his frame of mind,
Congenial with his frame of mind,
And all shall equal be.
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
Wherever they go, wherever they go,
They all shall equal be!
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
Sing high, sing low,
Wherever they go,
Wherever they go, wherever they go,
They all shall equal be!
The Earl, the Marquis, and the Dook,
The Groom, the Butler, and the Cook,
The Aristocrat who banks with Coutts,
The Aristocrat who cleans the boots,
The Noble Lord who rules the State,
The Noble Lord who scrubs the grate,
The Lord High Bishop orthodox,
The Lord High Vagabond in the stocks--
For ev'ryone who feels inclined,
Some post they undertake to find
Congenial with his frame of mind,
Congenial with his frame of mind,
And all shall equal be.
Then hail! O King,
Whichever you may be,
To you we sing,
But do not bend the knee.
Then hail! hail! O King.
Hail! O King, Hail! O King!
Come, let's away--our island crown awaits me--
Conflicting feelings rend my soul apart!
The thought of Royal dignity elates me,
But leaving thee behind me breaks my heart!
(Addressing Gianetta and Tessa)
Farewell, my love; on board you must be getting!
But while upon the sea you gaily roam,
Remember that a heart for thee is fretting--
The tender little heart you've left at home!
Now, Marco dear,
My wishes hear:
While you're away
It's understood
You will be good
And not too gay.
To every trace
Of maiden grace
You will be blind,
And will not glance
By any chance
On womankind!
If you are wise,
You'll shut your eyes
Till we arrive,
And not address
A lady less
Than forty-five.
You'll please to frown
On every gown
That you may see;
And, O my pet,
You won't forget
You've married me!
And O my darling, O my pet,
Whatever else you may forget,
In yonder isle beyond the sea,
Do not forget, do not forget you've married me!
You'll lay your head
Upon your bed
At set of sun.
You will not sing
Of anything
To any one.
You'll sit and mope
All day, I hope,
And shed a tear
Upon the life
Your little wife
Is passing here.
And if so be
You think of me,
Please tell the moon!
I'll read it all
In rays that fall
On the lagoon:
You'll be so kind
As tell the wind
How you may be,
And send me words
By little birds
To comfort me!
And O my darling, O my pet,
Whatever else you may forget,
In yonder isle beyond the sea,
Do not forget you've married me!
Oh my darling, O my pet, etc.
(during which a "Xebeque" is hauled alongside the quay.)
Then away we/they go to an island fair
That lies in a Southern sea:
We know not where, and we don't much care
Wherever that isle may be.
(hauling on boat).
One, two, three, Haul!
One, two, three, Haul!
One, two, three, Haul!
With a will!
When the breezes are blowing
The ship will be going,
When they don't we shall/they will all stand still!
Then away we/they go to an island fair,
We know not where, and we don't much care,
Wherever that isle may be.
Away we go
To a balmy isle,
Where the roses blow
All the winter while.
Away, away etc.
(hoisting sail)
Then away we/they go to an island fair
That lies in a Southern sea:
Then away we/they go to an island fair,
Then away, then away, then away,
Then away, away!
(The men embark on the "Xebeque." Marco and Giuseppe embracing
Gianetta and Tessa. The girls wave a farewell to the men as the
curtain falls.)
Marco and Giuseppe, magnificently dressed, are seated on two thrones,
occupied in cleaning the crown and the sceptre. The Gondoliers
are discovered, dressed, some as courtiers, officers of rank,
etc., and others as private soldiers and servants of various
degrees. All are enjoying themselves without reference to social
distinctions--some playing cards, others throwing dice, some
reading, others playing cup and ball, "morra", etc.
Chorus of Men (with Marco and Giuseppe)
Of happiness the very pith
In Barataria you may see:
A monarchy that's tempered with
Republican Equality.
This form of government we find
The beau ideal of its kind--
A despotism strict combined
With absolute equality!
With absolute equality!
Of happiness the very pith
In Barataria you may see:
A monarchy that's tempered with
Republican Equality.
Two kings, of undue pride bereft,
Who act in perfect unity,
Whom you can order right and left
With absolute impunity.
Who put their subjects at their ease
By doing all they can to please!
And thus, to earn their bread-and-cheese,
Seize every opportunity.
And thus, to earn their bread-and-cheese,
Seize every opportunity.
Ah! We act in perfect unity,
Ah! We act in perfect unity!
Of happiness the very pith, etc.
Gentlemen, we are much obliged to you for your
expressions of satisfaction and good feeling--I say, we are much
obliged to you for your expressions of satisfaction and good
feeling.
We heard you.
We are delighted, at any time, to fall in with
sentiments so charmingly expressed.
That's all right.
At the same time there is just one little grievance
that we should like to ventilate.
(angrily) What?
Don't be alarmed--it's not serious. It is arranged
that, until it is decided which of us two is the actual King, we
are to act as one person.
Exactly.
Now, although we act as one person, we are, in point
of fact, two persons.
Ah, I don't think we can go into that. It is a
legal fiction, and legal fictions are solemn things. Situated as
we are, we can't recognize two independent responsibilities.
No; but you can recognize two independent appetites.
It's all very well to say we act as one person, but when you
supply us with only one ration between us, I should describe it
as a legal fiction carried a little too far.
It's rather a nice point. I don't like to express an
opinion off-hand. Suppose we reserve it for argument before the
full Court?
Yes, but what are we to do in the meantime?
We want our tea.
I think we may make an interim order for double
rations on their Majesties entering into the usual undertaking to
indemnify in the event of an adverse decision?
That, I think, will meet the case. But you must work
hard--stick to it--nothing like work.
Oh, certainly. We quite understand that a man who
holds the magnificent position of King should do something to
justify it. We are called "Your Majesty"; we are allowed to buy
ourselves magnificent clothes; our subjects frequently nod to us
in the streets; the sentries always return our salutes; and we
enjoy the inestimable privilege of heading the subscription lists
to all the principal charities. In return for these advantages
the least we can do is to make ourselves useful about the Palace.
Song (Giuseppe with Chorus)
Rising early in the morning,
We proceed to light the fire,
Then our Majesty adorning
In its workaday attire,
We embark without delay
On the duties of the day.
First, we polish off some batches
Of political despatches,
And foreign politicians circumvent;
Then, if business isn't heavy,
We may hold a Royal levee,
Or ratify some Acts of Parliament.
Then we probably review the household troops--
With the usual "Shalloo humps!" and "Shalloo hoops!"
Or receive with ceremonial and state
An interesting Eastern potentate.
After that we generally
Go and dress our private valet--
(It's a rather nervous duty--he's a touchy little man)--
Write some letters literary
For our private secretary--
He is shaky in his spelling, so we help him if we can.
Then, in view of cravings inner,
We go down and order dinner;
Then we polish the Regalia and the Coronation Plate--
Spend an hour in titivating
All our Gentlemen-in-Waiting;
Or we run on little errands for the Ministers of State.
Oh, philosophers may sing
Of the troubles of a King;
Yet the duties are delightful, and the privileges great;
But the privilege and pleasure
That we treasure beyond measure
Is to run on little errands for the Ministers of State.
Oh, philosophers may sing, etc.
After luncheon (making merry
On a bun and glass of sherry),
If we've nothing in particular to do,
We may make a Proclamation,
Or receive a deputation--
Then we possibly create a Peer or two.
Then we help a fellow-creature on his path
With the Garter or the Thistle or the Bath,
Or we dress and toddle off in semi-state
To a festival, a function, or a fete.
Then we go and stand as sentry
At the Palace (private entry),
Marching hither, marching thither, up and down and to and fro,
While the warrior on duty
Goes in search of beer and beauty
(And it generally happens that he hasn't far to go).
He relieves us, if he's able,
Just in time to lay the table,
Then we dine and serve the coffee, and at half-past twelve or one,
With a pleasure that's emphatic,
We retire to our attic
With the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done!
Oh, philosophers may sing
Of the troubles of a King,
But of pleasures there are many and of worries there are none;
And the culminating pleasure
That we treasure beyond measure
Is the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done!
Oh, philosophers may sing, etc.
(Exeunt all but Marco and Giuseppe)
Yes, it really is a very pleasant existence. They're
all so singularly kind and considerate. You don't find them
wanting to do this, or wanting to do that, or saying "It's my
turn now." No, they let us have all the fun to ourselves, and
never seem to grudge it.
It makes one feel quite selfish. It almost seems like
taking advantage of their good nature.
How nice they were about the double rations.
Most considerate. Ah! there's only one thing wanting
to make us thoroughly comfortable.
And that is?
The dear little wives we left behind us three months
ago.
Yes, it is dull without female society. We can do
without everything else, but we can't do without that.
And if we have that in perfection, we have everything.
There is only one recipe for perfect happiness.
Song (Marco)
Take a pair of sparkling eyes,
Hidden, ever and anon,
In a merciful eclipse--
Do not heed their mild surprise--
Having passed the Rubicon,
Take a pair of rosy lips;
Take a figure trimly planned--
Such as admiration whets--
(Be particular in this);
Take a tender little hand,
Fringed with dainty fingerettes,
Press it, press it--in parenthesis;--
Ah! Take all these, you lucky man--
Take and keep them, if you can, if you can!
Take all these, you lucky man--
Take and keep them, if you can!
If you can!
Take a pretty little cot--
Quite a miniature affair--
Hung about with trellised vine,
Furnish it upon the spot
With the treasures rich and rare
I've endeavoured to define.
Live to love and love to live--
You will ripen at your ease,
Growing on the sunny side--
Fate has nothing more to give.
You're a dainty man to please
If you are not satisfied, not satisfied,
Ah! Take my counsel, happy man;
Act upon it, if you can, if you can!
Take my counsel, happy man;
Act upon it, if you can, if you can!
Take my counsel, happy man;
Act upon it if you can.
If you can, if you can.
Act upon it if you can, happy man, if you can!
(Enter Chorus of Contadine, running in, led by Fiametta and
Vittoria. They are met by all the Ex-Gondoliers, who welcome
them heartily.)
Scena (Chorus of Girls, Quartet, Duet and Chorus)
Here we are, at the risk of our lives,
From ever so far, and we've brought your wives--
And to that end we've crossed the main,
And don't intend to return again! etc.
Though obedience is strong,
Curiosity's stronger--
We waited for long,
Till we couldn't wait longer.
It's imprudent, we know,
But without your society
Existence was slow,
And we wanted variety--
Existence was slow, and we wanted variety,
Yes, we wanted variety.
So here we are, at the risk of our lives,
And we've brought your wives--
And to that end, to that end, we've crossed the main,
And don't, don't intend to return again!
(Enter Gianetta and Tessa. They rush to the arms of Marco and
Giuseppe.)
Tessa! [All embrace]
Giuseppe! [All embrace]
Marco! [All embrace]
Gianetta! [All embrace]
After sailing to this island--
Tossing in a manner frightful,
We are all once more on dry land--
And we find the change delightful,
As at home we've been remaining--
We've not seen you both for ages,
Tell me, are you fond of reigning?--
How's the food, and what's the wages?
Does your new employment please ye?--
How does Royalizing strike you?
Is it difficult or easy?--
Do you think your subjects like you?
I am anxious to elicit,
Is it plain and easy steering?
Take it altogether, is it
Better fun than gondoliering?
We shall both go on requesting
Till you tell us, never doubt it;
Everything is interesting,
Tell us, tell us all about it!
They will both go on requesting, etc.
Is the populace exacting?
Do they keep you at a distance?
All unaided are you acting,
Or do they provide assistance?
When you're busy, have you got to
Get up early in the morning?
If you do what you ought not to,
Do they give the usual warning?
With a horse do they equip you?
Lots of trumpeting and drumming?
Do the Royal tradesmen tip you?
Ain't the livery becoming!
Does your human being inner
Feed on everything that nice is?
Do they give you wine for dinner;
Peaches, sugar-plums, and ices?
We shall both go on requesting
Till you tell us, never doubt it;
Everything is interesting,
Tell us, tell us all about it!
They'll go on requesting, etc.
We shall both go on requesting, etc.
This is indeed a most delightful surprise!
Yes, we thought you'd like it. You see, it was like
this. After you left we felt very dull and mopey, and the days
crawled by, and you never wrote; so at last I said to Gianetta,
"I can't stand this any longer; those two poor Monarchs haven't
got any one to mend their stockings or sew on their buttons or
patch their clothes--at least, I hope they haven't--let us all
pack up a change and go and see how they're getting on." And she
said, "Done," and they all said, "Done"; and we asked old Giacopo
to lend us his boat, and he said, "Done"; and we've crossed the
sea, and, thank goodness, that's done; and here we are,
and--and--I've done!
And now--which of you is King?
And which of us is Queen?
That we shan't know until Nurse turns up. But never
mind that--the question is, how shall we celebrate the
commencement of our honeymoon? Gentlemen, will you allow us to
offer you a magnificent banquet?
We will!
Thanks very much; and, ladies, what do you say to a
dance?
A banquet and a dance! Oh, it's too much happiness!
Chorus and Dance
Dance a cachucha, fandango, bolero,
Xeres we'll drink--Manzanilla, Montero--
Wine, when it runs in abundance, enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances!
To the pretty pitter, pitter, patter,
And the clitter, clitter, clitter, clatter--
Clitter, clitter, clatter,
Pitter, pitter, patter,
Clitter, clitter, clatter,
Clitter, clitter, clatter,
To the pretty pitter, pitter, patter,
And the clitter, clitter, clitter, clatter--
Pitter, pitter, pitter,
Patter, patter, patter, patter, we'll dance
Old Xeres we'll drink--Manzanilla, Montero;
For wine, when it runs in abundance, enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances,
that wildest of dances, The reckless delight!
Dance a cachucha, fandango, bolero,
Xeres we'll drink--Manzanilla, Montero--
Wine, when it runs in abundance, enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances!
Old Xeres we'll drink--Manzanilla, Montero;
For wine, when it runs in abundance, enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances,
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances!
(Cachucha)
(The dance is interrupted by the unexpected appearance of Don
Alhambra, who looks on with astonishment. Marco and Giuseppe
appear embarrassed. The others run off, except Drummer Boy, who
is driven off by Don Alhambra.)
Good evening. Fancy ball?
No, not exactly. A little friendly dance. That's
all. Sorry you're late.
But I saw a groom dancing, and a footman!
Yes. That's the Lord High Footman.
And, dear me, a common little drummer boy!
Oh no! That's the Lord High Drummer Boy.
But surely, surely the servants'-hall is the place
for these gentry?
Oh dear no! We have appropriated the servants'-hall.
It's the Royal Apartment, and accessible only by tickets
obtainable at the Lord Chamberlain's office.
We really must have some place that we can call our
own.
(puzzled). I'm afraid I'm not quite equal to the
intellectual pressure of the conversation.
You see, the Monarchy has been re-modelled on
Republican principles.
What!
All departments rank equally, and everybody is at the
head of his department.
I see.
I'm afraid you're annoyed.
No. I won't say that. It's not quite what I
expected.
I'm awfully sorry.
So am I.
By the by, can I offer you anything after your voyage?
A plate of macaroni and a rusk?
(preoccupied). No, no--nothing--nothing.
Obliged to be careful?
Yes--gout. You see, in every Court there are
distinctions that must be observed.
(puzzled). There are, are there?
Why, of course. For instance, you wouldn't have a
Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook.
Why not?
Why not! Because a Lord High Chancellor is a
personage of great dignity, who should never, under any
circumstances, place himself in the position of being told to
tuck in his tuppenny, except by noblemen of his own rank. A Lord
High Archbishop, for instance, might tell a Lord High Chancellor
to tuck in his tuppenny, but certainly not a cook, gentlemen,
certainly not a cook.
Not even a Lord High Cook?
My good friend, that is a rank that is not
recognized at the Lord Chamberlain's office. No, no, it won't
do. I'll give you an instance in which the experiment was tried.
Song (Don Alhambra, with Marco and Giuseppe)
There lived a King, as I've been told,
In the wonder-working days of old,
When hearts were twice as good as gold,
And twenty times as mellow.
Good-temper triumphed in his face,
And in his heart he found a place
For all the erring human race
And every wretched fellow.
When he had Rhenish wine to drink
It made him very sad to think
That some, at junket or at jink,
Must be content with toddy.
With toddy, must be content with toddy.
He wished all men as rich as he
(And he was rich as rich could be),
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody.
Now, that's the kind of King for me.
He wished all men as rich as he,
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody!
Lord Chancellors were cheap as sprats,
And Bishops in their shovel hats
Were plentiful as tabby cats--
In point of fact, too many.
Ambassadors cropped up like hay,
Prime Ministers and such as they
Grew like asparagus in May,
And Dukes were three a penny.
On every side Field-Marshals gleamed,
Small beer were Lords-Lieutenant deemed,
With Admirals the ocean teemed
All round his wide dominions.
With Admirals all round his wide dominions.
And Party Leaders you might meet
In twos and threes in every street
Maintaining, with no little heat,
Their various opinions.
Now that's a sight you couldn't beat--
Two Party Leaders in each street
Maintaining, with no little heat,
Their various opinions.
That King, although no one denies
His heart was of abnormal size,
Yet he'd have acted otherwise
If he had been acuter.
The end is easily foretold,
When every blessed thing you hold
Is made of silver, or of gold,
You long for simple pewter.
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare,
For cloth of gold you cease to care--
Up goes the price of shoddy.
Of shoddy, up goes the price of shoddy.
In short, whoever you may be,
To this conclusion you'll agree,
When every one is somebodee,
Then no one's anybody!
Now that's as plain as plain can be,
To this conclusion we agree--
When every one is somebodee,
Then no one's anybody!
(Gianetta and Tessa enter unobserved. The two girls, impelled by
curiosity, remain listening at the back of the stage.)
And now I have some important news to communicate.
His Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro, Her Grace the Duchess, and
their beautiful daughter Casilda--I say their beautiful daughter
Casilda--
We heard you.
Have arrived at Barataria, and may be here at any
moment.
The Duke and Duchess are nothing to us.
But the daughter--the beautiful daughter! Aha!
Oh, you're a lucky dog, one of you!
I think you're a very incomprehensible old gentleman.
Not a bit--I'll explain. Many years ago when you
(whichever you are) were a baby, you (whichever you are) were
married to a little girl who has grown up to be the most
beautiful young lady in Spain. That beautiful young lady will be
here to claim you (whichever you are) in half an hour, and I
congratulate that one (whichever it is) with all my heart.
Married when a baby!
But we were married three months ago!
One of you--only one. The other (whichever it is)
is an unintentional bigamist.
(coming forward). Well, upon my word!
Eh? Who are these young people?
Who are we? Why, their wives, of course. We've just
arrived.
Their wives! Oh dear, this is very unfortunate!
Oh dear, this complicates matters! Dear, dear, what will Her
Majesty say?
And do you mean to say that one of these Monarchs was
already married?
And that neither of us will be a Queen?
That is the idea I intended to convey. (Tessa and
Gianetta begin to cry.)
(to Tessa) Tessa, my dear, dear child--
Get away! perhaps it's you!
(to Gianetta) My poor, poor little woman!
Don't! Who knows whose husband you are?
And pray, why didn't you tell us all about it before
they left Venice?
Because, if I had, no earthly temptation would have
induced these gentlemen to leave two such extremely fascinating
and utterly irresistible little ladies!
There's something in that.
I may mention that you will not be kept long in
suspense, as the old lady who nursed the Royal child is at
present in the torture chamber, waiting for me to interview her.
Poor old girl. Hadn't you better go and put her out
of her suspense?
Oh no--there's no hurry--she's all right. She has
all the illustrated papers. However, I'll go and interrogate
her, and, in the meantime, may I suggest the absolute propriety
of your regarding yourselves as single young ladies. Good
evening!
(Exit Don Alhambra.)
Well, here's a pleasant state of things!
Delightful. One of us is married to two young ladies,
and nobody knows which; and the other is married to one young
lady whom nobody can identify!
And one of us is married to one of you, and the other
is married to nobody.
But which of you is married to which of us, and
what's to become of the other? (About to cry.)
It's quite simple. Observe. Two husbands have
managed to acquire three wives. Three wives--two husbands.
(Reckoning up.) That's two-thirds of a husband to each wife.
O Mount Vesuvius, here we are in arithmetic! My good
sir, one can't marry a vulgar fraction!
You've no right to call me a vulgar fraction.
We are getting rather mixed. The situation is
entangled. Let's try and comb it out.
Quartet (Marco, Giuseppe, Gianetta and Tessa)
In a contemplative fashion,
And a tranquil frame of mind,
Free from every kind of passion,
Some solution let us find.
Let us grasp the situation,
Solve the complicated plot--
Quiet, calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot.
| TESSA I, no doubt, Giuseppe wedded-- That's, of course, a slice of luck He is rather dunder-headed, Still distinctly, he's a duck. |
THE OTHERS In a contemplative fashion, And a tranquil frame of mind, |
| GIANETTA I, a victim, too, of Cupid, Marco married - that is clear. He's particularly stupid, Still distinctly, he's a dear. |
THE OTHERS Free from ev'ry kind of passion, Some solution let us find, |
| MARCO To Gianetta I was mated; I can prove it in a trice, Though her charms are overrated, Still I own she's rather nice. |
THE OTHERS Let us grasp the situation, Solve the complicated plot, |
| GIUSEPPE I to Tessa, willy-nilly, All at once a victim fell. She is what is called a silly, Still she answers pretty well. |
THE OTHERS Quiet calm deliberation, Disentangles ev'ry knot! |
| MARCO Now when we were pretty babies Some one married us, that's clear-- |
THE OTHERS In a contemplative fashion, |
| GIANETTA And if I can catch her I'll pinch her and scratch her And send her away with a flea in her ear. |
THE OTHERS And a tranquil frame of mind, |
| GIUSEPPE He whom that young lady married, To receive her can't refuse. |
THE OTHERS Free from ev'ry kind of passion, |
| TESSA If I overtake her I'll warrant I'll make her To shake in her aristocratical shoes! |
THE OTHERS Some solution let us find, |
| GIANETTA If she married your Giuseppe You and he will have to part-- |
THE OTHERS Let us grasp the situation, |
| TESSA If I have to do it I'll warrant she'll rue it-- I'll teach her to marry the man of my heart! If she married Messer Marco You're a spinster, that is plain-- |
THE OTHERS Solve the complicated plot, Quiet calm deliberation |
| TESSA No matter--no matter. If I can get at her I doubt if her mother will know her again! |
THE OTHERS Disentangles ev'ry knot! |
| GIANETTA No matter, no matter, If I can get at her etc. |
TESSA If I have to do it I'll warrant she'll rue it! etc. |
MARCO To Gianetta I was mated I can prove it in a trice etc. |
GIUSEPPE I to Tessa willy-nilly All at once a victim fell etc. |
Quiet, calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot!
(Exeunt, pondering)
(March. Enter procession of Retainers, heralding approach of
Duke, Duchess, and Casilda. All three are now dressed with the
utmost magnificence.)
Chorus of Men (with Duke and Duchess).
With ducal pomp and ducal pride
(Announce these comers,
O ye kettle-drummers!)
Comes Barataria's high-born bride.
(Ye sounding cymbals clang!)
She comes to claim the Royal hand--
(Proclaim their Graces,
O ye double basses!)
Of the King who rules this goodly land.
(Ye brazen brasses bang!)
This polite attention touches
Heart of Duke
And heart of Duchess
Who resign their pet!
With profound regret.
She of beauty was a model
When a tiny tiddle-toddle,
And at twenty-one
She's excelled by none!
At twenty-one
She's excelled by none!
At twenty-one
She's excelled by none!
She comes to claim the Royal hand
(Proclaim their graces, O ye double-basses!
Of the King who rules this goodly land
Ye brazen brasses bang!)
(to his attendants). Be good enough to inform His Majesty
that His Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro, Limited, has arrived, and
begs--
Desires--
Demands--
And demands an audience. (Exeunt attendants.) And
now, my child, prepare to receive the husband to whom you were
united under such interesting and romantic circumstances.
But which is it? There are two of them!
It is true that at present His Majesty is a double
gentleman; but as soon as the circumstances of his marriage are
ascertained, he will, ipso facto, boil down to a single
gentleman--thus presenting a unique example of an individual who
becomes a single man and a married man by the same operation.
(severely). I have known instances in which the
characteristics of both conditions existed concurrently in the
same individual.
Ah, he couldn't have been a Plaza-Toro.
Oh! couldn't he, though!
Well, whatever happens, I shall, of course, be a
dutiful wife, but I can never love my husband.
I don't know. It's extraordinary what unprepossessing
people one can love if one gives one's mind to it.
I loved your father.
My love--that remark is a little hard, I think?
Rather cruel, perhaps? Somewhat uncalled-for, I venture to
believe?
It was very difficult, my dear; but I said to myself,
"That man is a Duke, and I will love him." Several of my
relations bet me I couldn't, but I did--desperately!
Song (Duchess)
On the day when I was wedded
To your admirable sire,
I acknowledge that I dreaded
An explosion of his ire.
I was overcome with panic--
For his temper was volcanic,
And I didn't dare revolt,
For I feared a thunderbolt!
I was always very wary,
For his fury was ecstatic--
His refined vocabulary
Most unpleasantly emphatic.
To the thunder
Of this Tartar
I knocked under
Like a martyr;
When intently
He was fuming,
I was gently
Unassuming--
When reviling
Me completely,
I was smiling very sweetly,
I was smiling very sweetly,
Very sweetly.
Giving him the very best, and getting back the very worst--
That is how I tried to tame your great progenitor--at first!
Giving him the very best, and getting back the very worst--
That is how I tried to tame your great progenitor--at first!
But I found that a reliance
On my threatening appearance,
And a resolute defiance
Of marital interference,
And a gentle intimation
Of my firm determination
To see what I could do
To be wife and husband too
Was the only thing required
For to make his temper supple,
And you couldn't have desired
A more reciprocating couple.
Ever willing
To be wooing,
We were billing--
We were cooing;
When I merely
From him parted,
We were nearly
Broken-hearted--
When in sequel
Reunited,
We were equally delighted.
We were equally delighted, delighted.
So with double-shotted guns and colours nailed unto the mast,
I tamed your insignificant progenitor--at last!
So with double-shotted guns and colours nailed unto the mast,
I tamed your insignificant progenitor--at last!
My only hope is that when my husband sees what a shady
family he has married into he will repudiate the contract
altogether.
Shady? A nobleman shady, who is blazing in the
lustre of unaccustomed pocket-money? A nobleman shady, who can
look back upon ninety-five quarterings? It is not every nobleman
who is ninety-five quarters in arrear--I mean, who can look back
upon ninety-five of them! And this, just as I have been floated
at a premium! Oh fie!
Your Majesty is surely unaware that directly your
Majesty's father came before the public he was applied for over
and over again.
My dear, Her Majesty's father was in the habit of
being applied for over and over again--and very urgently applied
for, too--long before he was registered under the Limited
Liability Act.
To help unhappy commoners, and add to their enjoyment,
Affords a man of noble rank congenial employment;
Of our attempts we offer you examples illustrative:
The work is light, and, I may add, it's most remunerative.
Small titles and orders
For Mayors and Recorders
I get--and they're highly delighted--
They're highly delighted!
M.P.'s baronetted,
Sham Colonels gazetted,
And second-rate Aldermen knighted--
Yes, Aldermen knighted.
Foundation-stone laying
I find very paying:
It adds a large sum to my makings--
Large sums to his makings.
At charity dinners
The best of speech-spinners,
I get ten per cent on the takings--
One-tenth of the takings.
I present any lady
Whose conduct is shady
Or smacking of doubtful propriety--
Doubtful propriety.
When Virtue would quash her,
I take and whitewash her,
And launch her in first-rate society--
First-rate society!
I recommend acres
Of clumsy dressmakers--
Their fit and their finishing touches--
Their finishing touches.
A sum in addition
They pay for permission
To say that they make for the Duchess--
They make for the Duchess!
Those pressing prevailers,
The ready-made tailors,
Quote me as their great double-barrel--
Their great double-barrel--
I allow them to do so,
Though Robinson Crusoe
Would jib at their wearing apparel--
Such wearing apparel!
I sit, by selection,
Upon the direction
Of several Companies bubble--
All Companies bubble!
As soon as they're floated
I'm freely bank-noted--
I'm pretty well paid for my trouble!
He's paid for his trouble!
At middle-class party
I play at ecarte--
And I'm by no means a beginner--
(significantly). She's not a beginner.
To one of my station
The remuneration--
Five guineas a night and my dinner--
And wine with her dinner.
I write letters blatant
On medicines patent--
And use any other you mustn't--
Believe me, you mustn't--
And vow my complexion
Derives its perfection
From somebody's soap--which it doesn't--
(significantly). It certainly doesn't!
We're ready as witness
To any one's fitness
To fill any place or preferment--
A place or preferment.
We're often in waiting
At junket or feting,
And sometimes attend an interment--
We enjoy an interment.
In short, if you'd kindle
The spark of a swindle,
Lure simpletons into your clutches--
Yes; into your clutches.
Or hoodwink a debtor,
You cannot do better
Than trot out a Duke or a Duchess--
A Duke
Or a Duchess!
(Enter Marco and Giuseppe.)
Ah! Their Majesties. Your Majesty! (Bows with
great ceremony.)
The Duke of Plaza-Toro, I believe?
The same. (Marco and Giuseppe offer to shake hands
with him. The Duke bows ceremoniously. They endeavour to
imitate him.) Allow me to present--
The young lady one of us married?
(Marco and Giuseppe offer to shake hands with her. Casilda
curtsies formally. They endeavour to imitate her.)
Gentlemen, I am the most obedient servant of one of
you. (Aside.) Oh, Luiz!
I am now about to address myself to the gentleman
whom my daughter married; the other may allow his attention to
wander if he likes, for what I am about to say does not concern
him. Sir, you will find in this young lady a combination of
excellences which you would search for in vain in any young lady
who had not the good fortune to be my daughter. There is some
little doubt as to which of you is the gentleman I am addressing,
and which is the gentleman who is allowing his attention to
wander; but when that doubt is solved, I shall say (still
addressing the attentive gentleman), "Take her, and may she make
you happier than her mother has made me."
Sir!
If possible. And now there is a little matter to
which I think I am entitled to take exception. I come here in
state with Her Grace the Duchess and Her Majesty my daughter, and
what do I find? Do I find, for instance, a guard of honour to
receive me? No!
No.
The town illuminated? No!
No.
Refreshment provided? No!
No.
A Royal salute fired? No!
No.
Triumphal arches erected? No!
No.
The bells set ringing?
No.
Yes--one--the Visitors', and I rang it myself. It is
not enough! It is not enough!
Upon my honour, I'm very sorry; but you see, I was
brought up in a gondola, and my ideas of politeness are confined
to taking off my cap to my passengers when they tip me.
That's all very well in its way, but it is not
enough.
I'll take off anything else in reason.
But a Royal Salute to my daughter--it costs so
little.
Papa, I don't want a salute.
My dear sir, as soon as we know which of us is
entitled to take that liberty she shall have as many salutes as
she likes.
As for guards of honour and triumphal arches, you
don't know our people--they wouldn't stand it.
They are very off-hand with us--very off-hand indeed.
Oh, but you mustn't allow that--you must keep them in
proper discipline, you must impress your Court with your
importance. You want deportment--carriage--
We've got a carriage.
Manner--dignity. There must be a good deal of this
sort of thing--(business)--and a little of this sort of
thing--(business)--and possibly just a Soupcon of this sort of
thing!--(business)--and so on. Oh, it's very useful, and most
effective. Just attend to me. You are a King--I am a subject.
Very good.
Gavotte (Duke, Duchess, Casilda, Marco and Giuseppe)
I am a courtier grave and serious
Who is about to kiss your hand:
Try to combine a pose imperious
With a demeanour nobly bland.
Let us combine a pose imperious
With a demeanour nobly bland.
(Marco and Giuseppe endeavour to carry out his instructions.)
That's, if anything, too unbending--
Too aggressively stiff and grand;
(They suddenly modify their attitudes.)
Now to the other extreme you're tending--
Don't be so deucedly condescending!
Now to the other extreme you're tending--
Don't be so dreadfully condescending!
Oh, hard to please some noblemen seem!
At first, if anything, too unbending;
Off we go to the other extreme--
Too confoundedly condescending!
Now a gavotte perform sedately--
Offer your hand with conscious pride;
Take an attitude not too stately,
Still sufficiently dignified.
Now for an attitude not too stately,
Still sufficiently dignified.
(They endeavour to carry out his instructions.)
(beating time) Oncely, twicely--oncely, twicely--
Bow impressively ere you glide.
(They do so.)
Capital both, capital both--you've caught it nicely!
That is the style of thing precisely!
Capital both, capital both--you've caught it nicely!
That is the style of thing precisely!
Oh, sweet to earn a nobleman's praise!
Capital both, capital both--we've caught it nicely!
Supposing he's right in what he says,
This is the style of thing precisely!
Capital both, capital both--you've caught it nicely!
That is the style of thing precisely!
That is the style of thing, the style, the style of thing precisely!
(Gavotte. At the end exeunt Duke and Duchess, leaving Casilda
with Marco and Giuseppe.)
(to Marco). The old birds have gone away and left the
young chickens together. That's called tact.
It's very awkward. We really ought to tell her how we
are situated. It's not fair to the girl.
Then why don't you do it?
I'd rather not--you.
I don't know how to begin. (To Casilda.)
Er--Madam--I--we, that is, several of us--
Gentlemen, I am bound to listen to you; but it is
right to tell you that, not knowing I was married in infancy, I
am over head and ears in love with somebody else.
Our case exactly! We are over head and ears in love
with somebody else! (Enter Gianetta and Tessa.) In point of
fact, with our wives!
Your wives! Then you are married?
It's not our fault.
We knew nothing about it.
We are sisters in misfortune.
My good girls, I don't blame you. Only before we go
any further we must really arrive at some satisfactory
arrangement, or we shall get hopelessly complicated.
Quintet and Finale (Marco, Giuseppe, Casilda, Gianetta, Tessa and Chorus)
Here is a case unprecedented!
Here are a King and Queen ill-starred!
Ever since marriage was first invented
Never was known a case so hard!
I may be said to have been bisected,
By a profound catastrophe!
Through a calamity unexpected
I am divisible into three!
I may be said to have been bisected!
I am divisible into three!
Through a calamity unexpected I am divisible into three!
O moralists all,
How can you call
Marriage a state of unitee,
A state of unitee,
Moralists all,
How can you call
Marriage a state of unitee!
Moralists all,
How can you call
Marriage a state of unitee!
Call marriage a state of union true,
One-third of myself is married to half of ye, or you!
When half of myself has married two-thirds of ye, or you!
(Enter Don Alhambra, followed by Duke, Duchess, and all the
Chorus.)
Now let the loyal lieges gather round--
The Prince's foster-mother has been found!
She will declare, to silver clarion's sound,
The rightful King--let him forthwith be crowned!
She will declare, to silver clarion's sound,
The rightful King--let him forthwith be crowned!
(Don Alhambra brings forward Inez, the Prince's foster-mother.)
Speak, woman, speak--
We're all attention!
The news we seek-
This moment mention.
To us they bring--
His foster-mother.
Is he the King?
Or this my brother?
Speak, woman, speak,
Speak, woman, speak.
The Royal Prince was by the King entrusted
To my fond care, ere I grew old and crusted;
When traitors came to steal his son reputed,
My own small boy I deftly substituted!
The villains fell into the trap completely--
I hid the Prince away--still sleeping sweetly;
I called him "son" with pardonable slyness--
His name, Luiz! Behold his Royal Highness!
(Sensation. Luiz ascends the throne, crowned and robed as King.)
(rushing to his arms). Luiz!
Casilda! (Embrace.)
Is this indeed the King?
Oh, wondrous revelation!
Oh, unexpected thing!
Unlooked-for situation!
This statement we receive
With sentiments conflicting;
Our hearts rejoice and grieve,
Each other contradicting;
To those whom we adore
We can be reunited--
On one point rather sore,
But, on the whole, delighted!
When others claimed thy dainty hand,
I waited--waited--waited,
As prudence (so I understand)
Dictated--tated--tated.
By virtue of our early vow
Recorded--corded--corded,
Your pure and patient love is now
Rewarded--warded--warded.
Then hail, O King of a Golden Land,
And the high-born bride who claims his hand!
The past is dead, and you gain your own,
A royal crown and a golden throne!
FANFARE
(All kneel: Luiz crowns Casilda.)
Once more gondolieri,
Both skilful and wary,
Free from this quandary
Contented are we. Ah!
From Royalty flying,
Our gondolas plying,
And merrily crying
Our "preme," "stali!" Ah!
So good-bye, cachucha, fandango, bolero,
We'll dance a farewell to that measure--
Old Xeres, adieu, Manzanilla--Montero--
We leave you with feelings of pleasure!
Once more gondolieri,
Both skilful and wary,
Free from this quandary
Contented are we. Ah!
Ah! Once more gondolieri, gondolieri
Gondolieri, contented are we,
So good-bye, cachucha, fandango, bolero,
We'll dance a farewell to that measure--
Old Xeres, adieu, Manzanilla--Montero--
We leave you with feelings of pleasure!
With feelings of pleasure!